Harry's Fan Mail
by Zeus on the Loose
Summary: You write reviews, and Harry or one of his friends  or enemies ,specifed by you, will answer your questions! Rated T just in case.
1. A Lilac Envelope

**Okay, here's the deal. You all write fan mail (reviews) to Harry, Ron, Hermione, or any of the other characters in the Harry Potter series, and they'll answer your questions here. **

**I'll choose at least three peoples' questions each week (depending on how long it takes to get my geometry homework done). If you want, you can put a name you want me to use on your review. Otherwise I'll just use your screen name.**

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"What is this Harry?" Hermione asked cautiously, holding up a lilac envelope that smelled of, fittingly enough, lilacs. Harry, whose fork, piled with scrambled eggs, was half-way to his mouth, took the envelope from Hermione and finished chewing his bacon.

"Hmm. Must be a letter from a fan of ours," Harry said, examining the spirally handwriting.

"Fan of yours, is more like it," Ron took the paper from Harry and read in a squeaky falsetto voice, "Dear Harry Potter, I can't believe I'm even writing to you. It seems like only yesterday you defeated You-Know-Who. You are so brave! I go to Beaxbatons, but if I went to Hogwarts, I'd want to be in Gryffindor just like you… blah, blah, blah…. More stuff about Harry being brave and kind and good… blah, blah… Ooh! Here's something good! She asks if…"

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Sorry it's so short! Remember, you guys are the real authors, 'cause without you, I wouldn't know what to write! R&R please!


	2. Embarrassment to the Extreme

**Okay, here's the deal. You all write fan mail (reviews) to Harry, Ron, Hermione, or any of the other characters in the Harry Potter series, and they'll answer your questions here. **

**I'll choose at least three peoples' questions each week (depending on how long it takes to get my geometry homework done). If you want, you can put a name you want me to use on your review. Otherwise I'll just use your screen name.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that J.K. Rowling made up.**

Hermione heard a tapping noise and looked up from her book. She went over to the window to let in a small tawny owl. It looked exhausted and held out its leg expectantly. Carefully, Hermione untied the scroll attached to it, and the owl slumped down, quite asleep.

'It must have flown a long distance,' Hermione thought, and she read the address on the paper.

"Harry! Ron! Look! It's another letter from a fan!" she said.

"What's that got to do with me?" Ron grunted.

Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed. "Must you always be so disagreeable, Ronald!"

"How can you say that, Hermione, considering that you were snogging him less than a half an hour ago?" Harry sniggered.

"That's completely beside the point!" Hermione declared, reddening. "Besides, this letter is addressed to all three of us!"

"Let me see it," Ron said, reaching for the parchment, "Huh. It does say all of us."

Harry took the letter from Ron and proceeded to read it out loud,

"Dear Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger,

Hello golden trio! Let me start this letter off by saying what a huge fan I am of you guys! I have followed your story over the years and you guess are totally awesome :). I have a question for you three and I would like you to answer honestly of you can. I know you three are very busy but it would be great if you could reply. _What are your guys' most embarrassing moments?_

I am just curious...

Keep saving the world

Tribot."

"No way. No way am I telling some _stranger_ my most embarrassing moment!" Ron exclaimed.

"But this Tribot person seems like such a big fan of yours!" said Ginny. She had walked into the room just as Harry had started reading the letter, though nobody had noticed her arrival. "So..."

"So what?" Ron asked in an acidy voice.

"What is your most embarrassing moment?" Ginny asked plainly.

"Not telling," Ron said, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Harry will tell. Won't you Harry?" Ginny turned to look at Harry.

"I guess…" Harry said sheepishly, "Well you guys remember in sixth year when we had that day where a seventh year could 'buy us'?" Harry asked. Ron and Hermione nodded. "Well, the seventh year that bought me, Rachel Greggson, she made me dress up like a ballerina."

"That's why you wouldn't come out of the bathroom!" Ron exclaimed.

Hermione looked confused, and asked, "How is it embarrassing, if nobody saw you?"

"I haven't even gotten to the embarrassing part yet. Well, I was dressed like a ballerina, with the tights and everything. It wasn't a pretty sight. Then, I got called into Dumbledore's office on Order business. EVERYBODY was there. Everyone from the Order of the Phoenix. And I was standing there in a leotard and tights. Not only did I feel like an idiot, but when I left, I heard Kingsley say 'Are you sure about him, Dumbledore? Are you sure he's still sane?' It was pretty horrible," Harry finished. Ginny was doubled over laughing, and Ron was guffawing. Hermione was even giggling. After a moment, Harry joined them.

Once they all had pulled themselves together and wiped their eyes, Harry turned to Hermione.

"Your turn, Hermione."

"What! Why me next? Why not Ron?" she protested, but swallowed her words when she saw Ron, Harry, and Ginny watching her intently. "If it must be this way, then I guess… Well. During the Yule Ball, I had to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, my… my dress… it was tucked into my pantyhose. I don't know how I didn't notice. I guess I was just cut up about what Ron said…" Ron looked really uncomfortable, and nobody laughed.

"Luckily, Luna Lovegood saw it and… notified me to the… problem before I went back to Viktor. It was quite embarrassing, even though only a few girls saw it," Hermione concluded.

Harry figured Hermione had thrown in the bit about Viktor Krum, her ex-boyfriend, just to get Ron's goat. It had worked, too, and Ron was avidly studying his hands.

"Ron. Tell us. Now," Ginny broke the tension by looking at Ron.

"Not telling," Ron said and went red.

"I'll bet he really does have a pigmy-puff tattoo," Ginny giggled.

"Well, we all know that the most embarrassing months of Ron's entire existence were spent with Lavender Brown," Hermione piped up. Ron went even redder, and it didn't go very nicely with his shock of bright hair.

"Shut up! Okay! I'll tell you," Ron finally gave in. "One day in our third year, you were playing quidditch," he said, looking at Harry, "And you," he added, directing his gaze at Hermione, "were in the library, writing some essay. I was in the common room, along with a whole bunch of little first year girls. I stood up, and somehow, a string on my pants had gotten caught under the foot of the couch. I didn't notice until my pants had unraveled all the way to my shin. I tried to break the thread, but it was magically enforced, and all I did was unravel it further, until I was only wearing my boxers. God, I'll never get those girls laughs out of my head. It was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened on the face of the earth. I ran up to our dormitory, but the story spread throughout the first year like wildfire. I guess I'll just have to be glad that it never made it to the third year."

"That's not as bad as I thought it was going to be," Harry remarked.

Everyone had another good laugh, and then they decided to write to Tribot, telling him/her that they were too embarrassed to write about their most embarrassing experiences.

**R&R Pulueazzzzzzzzzzzz!**


	3. Malfoy in Love?

**Okay, here's the deal. You all write fan mail (reviews) to Harry, Ron, Hermione, or any of the other characters in the Harry Potter series, and they'll answer your questions here. **

**I'll choose at least three peoples' questions each week (depending on how long it takes to get my geometry homework done). If you want, you can put a name you want me to use on your review. Otherwise I'll just use your screen name.**

**Dares for the characters are welcome!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything that J.K. Rowling made up.**

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"Oh, look. It's yet another letter from someone happy that Harry saved the world!" Ginny said as she untied a scrappy and torn-looking envelope from the leg of an equally disgusting-looking owl. Ron cleared his throat and Ginny added quickly, "Of course, Ron _helped_ to save the world."

Ginny handed the envelope to Harry, who ripped it open. His brow furrowed.

"What is it?" Hermione asked.

"Well, it's just that this letter isn't for us at all, in fact, it's addressed to Malfoy!"

"What!" Ron gasped.

"Yes, look here: it says 'Dear Harry, Will you please ask Draco Malfoy this question for me?'" Harry said.

"Well, what does he want you to ask Malfoy?" Hermione asked.

"Actually it's a she. It's signed Kyra. She wants me to ask Malfoy who the love of his life is. Can you imagine that? Malfoy in love? He always seemed the type to be in love with himself, not anyone else," Harry grinned at Ginny.

"Hmmm. I'd like to find out who Malfoy fancies himself in love with…" Ron mused, "It should be a laugh anyway!"

"Yes! Let's find out. I've got a plan," Hermione said. It turned out her plan wasn't very complex, but it was dependent on the fact that Draco was living at Malfoy Manor.

"Okay, Harry. Here's your floo powder," Ginny said, giving Harry a handful of what looked like dark green ashes.

He stepped into the Weasley's fireplace and declared, "Malfoy Manor," before disappearing in a billow of green fire.

It turned out that Malfoy wasn't at Malfoy Manor, and the only living creature in the house, besides some creepy-crawlies, was a small and ugly house elf. The Malfoy family had purchased her after Harry had tricked Lucius Malfoy into granting Dobby freedom.

"Hello," Harry said cautiously to the little wrinkly bundle of rags.

The house elf glanced furtively from side to side, as if looking to make sure her master wasn't listening.

"Hello, Harry Potter," she said in a quiet velveteen voice.

"You know who I am?" Harry asked, surprised.

"Of course Sneezy knows who Harry Potter is. All house elves do, sir," the house elf replied proudly, puffing up her tiny, bony chest. "Harry Potter is a hero, sir."

"Thank you, Sneezy. Now, I was wondering if you could tell me where Draco Malfoy is." Harry asked.

"Sneezy cannot tell Harry Potter where young Master Malfoy is. Sneezy is forbidden." Sneezy said sadly.

"You can tell me, Sneezy. It can be our secret," Harry whispered. At the word 'secret,' the house elf's huge chocolate brown eyes lit up.

"A secret, Harry Potter? A secret of Harry Potter and little lowly Sneezy?"

"Yes. Would you like that, Sneezy?"

"Sneezy would like that very much, sir," her tiny body shook with excitement. She glanced around once more, and motioned Harry close with a long, rather dirty finger. He knelt down, and she stood on her tiptoes to reach his ear. She whispered into it very softly. "Master Draco is at his Auntie Shelly Coddleman's house, sir. He is there with Master Malfoy and the Mistress."

"Do you know where Shelly Coddleman might live, Sneezy?" Harry asked.

"Sneezy doesn't know, sir," Sneezy said. "Harry Potter must keep his word and keep his secret with Sneezy secret."

"Yes, Sneezy. I wouldn't dream of telling," Harry said reassuringly. Sneezy sighed gratefully, and resumed dusting the long ebony dining table. Harry stepped back into the fireplace, unsure of what to say. He decided to try simply "Shelly Coddleman's house," and he vanished.

He appeared in the kitchen of a cheery–looking cottage. He thought something must have gone extremely wrong. Harry couldn't imagine anyone related to the Malfoys living in a house like this. He seemed to be quite mistaken, because just as he made up his mind to go back to the Burrow, he heard a familiar voice. A voice he had grown to loath.

"What is all that racket?" came Draco Malfoy's voice, and in a half a second, his figure had appeared in the door frame. "Potter," he spat, "I should have known. How did you find us? Nevermind that." He whipped out his wand, "Now go, before I kill you."

"Listen, Malfoy, I don't want to fight. I just came to ask you a question," Harry said calmly, despite the wand pointed at his throat.

"Yeah, right. And next Weasley will be showing up, claiming he just came to ask my sister to marry him. I don't even have a sister!" Malfoy snarled.

"I didn't say anything about a sister you may or may not have," Harry said.

"I don't have a sister!" Malfoy growled.

"Okay. Good. You don't have a sister. That's not really the issue." Harry said, wondering why Malfoy was so adamant about it. "See, look," he added, pulling the tattered piece of parchment from his trouser's pocket, and handing it to Draco.

"Ha! Like I'd tell you that!" Draco said, reading the letter. "Go. Now. You have until I count to three. Otherwise you'll be dead within the minute. One."

"But…" Harry started.

"Two," Harry decided not to argue, and stepped into the fireplace. He vanished a millisecond before Malfoy said 'three.'

Draco, alone again, slumped back against the wall._ 'How cruel the world is. What a cruel joke to play on a pureblood boy from a renowned pureblood family. Imagine what they would think if they knew I was in love with a squib. Ahhh, my darling Sophia…'_ he thought to himself.

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R&R Please! Bitte! Por favor?


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